Ashes and Wine
by Painted Sky
Summary: “There are not simply dreams and simply reality. There’s no thin line between the two. Sometimes, dreams and reality can be blurred together into one, and in times like these, you have one in the same.” Ashe x Vaan


**A/N: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know that I have so many stories not finished, and I really can't say that they're ever going to get finished. I have a good excuse, this time. I'm in the process of moving out of state, never mind finals and all that crap. If I come back at all, it'll be occasionally, to put up a chapter or a drabble or a oneshot. I really can't promise that Sincerely or PFR are ever going to get finished, and if either of them do it will probably be the former. I'll probably put up the chapters I have planned for PFR, but it'll be a long time before I finish it, if I ever do. Sincerely is shorter and will be easier to finish. Anyway, consider this my farewell piece, as a regular submitter. From here on out, it will all be erratic. **

**Might as well go out with a bang, though.**

**As of now, unrelated to anything else I've ever written for FFXII.**

**I really recommend this song. Actually, the whole CD is pretty mind-blowing.**

"_Don't know if our fate's already sealed  
This day's spinning circus on a wheel  
I'm ill with the thought of your kiss  
Coffee laced intoxicating on her lips_

_Shut it out  
I've got no claim on you now  
Not allowed to wear your freedom down_

_Is there a chance?  
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?  
A reason to fight?  
Is there a chance you may change your mind?  
Or are we ashes and wine?"_

"Ashes and Wine", by A Fine Frenzy.

**Ashes and Wine:**

Ashe closed her eyes for a moment.

She cringed as it stung briefly, pressing her lips together.

When she opened them, she was still in the palace dining room.

Alone.

Her dinner sat uneaten before her.

It wasn't that the food was bad. In fact, it was better than usual tonight. Ashe pondered this for a moment. The cooks had made her favorite meal, cracked open a bottle of a dark, rich Bhujerban red wine, and brought it out on the good plates, the ones they used at banquets and such. What was the occasion? She glanced around to ask a wandering servant what was going on, but she was completely alone.

"What could possibly—" The moment the words left her lips, it hit her. The last time she had been served her favorite meal on these plates with this wine was at her coronation ceremony.

Exactly one year ago.

She picked up the goblet, and took a sip of wine. Halfway through the large gulp that followed, she abruptly slammed her goblet back down on the table. Not quite satisfied, she slammed her clenched fist on the long, gold colored table as she squeezed her eyes shut once more and bit her lip, this time to keep herself from crying.

She had been Queen for a year, and she found herself alone. After all this time…

She realized there was no reason to bite back tears. She was completely alone, even the servants were avoiding her tonight, probably for this very reason.

She could have sworn she heard someone whisper in her ear. Ashe spun around, but no one was there.

It was probably just the wine.

She took another large gulp, and as she did so, she began to feel the alcohol beginning to work its magic on her body. She smiled. This was terribly irresponsible. If Larsa knew that she was going to spend tonight getting completely drunk, he would be completely horrified. Then again, Larsa was never very keen on alcohol, though that was probably due to the fact that he was only—wait, how old was Larsa again? Ashe smiled pleasantly. It almost felt good, she thought, to watch her vision blur and the straight lines turn to curved ones as she took another gulp of wine. She looked down at her uneaten food and knew that she would probably regret this tomorrow morning, but the goal tonight was to stop thinking about the fact that she was alone.

Normal people would go to a bar to get drunk, but Ashe laughed as she realized that she was even denied that privilege. She would have to drink her fine wine alone.

Remembering that she wasn't one to hold alcohol very well, she carefully stood up, taking the goblet and the bottle beside it and cautiously headed out of the dining room and up the stairs. Carefully putting one foot in front of the other as she walked slightly unsteadily, she reached her room in a matter of minutes. She placed the goblet and the bottle on her nightstand.

As soon as she laid her head back on the red velvet pillow, she heard a soft click as someone turned her doorknob. In slight apprehension, she waited as the door slowly opened. The motion seemed to take hours, and somehow, she wasn't able to get up and do anything about it.

In seconds, Balthier and Fran stood in her bedroom.

Ashe gasped.

"How did you two get in here—where did you—why di—who let you—"

"We didn't." Balthier spoke, his unmistakable Archadian accent letting her know that this was no imposter. He was dressed in exactly what he had worn more than a year ago, on their adventure. Briefly, her heart ached with the memory. Fran, also dressed the same, was poking around her room, opening drawers and poking in the urns of various shapes and sizes. She stopped at one, sniffing.

"Ashes?"

"My father's." She answered uneasily. "What do you mean, you didn't?"

"You're dreaming." Balthier answered, smirking slightly.

"I'm just dr—"

"Ah ah ah, we can't have you saying that. You'll wake up. And although you may not yet realize, it will be exceptionally beneficial to you if you stay asleep."

"What do you mean?" Ashe asked, confused, but still immobile on her bed.

"Well, we won't be your only visitors this kind evening." Balthier said, a mysterious edge on his voice. She could tell he enjoyed playing games with her mind.

"So what are you doing here?" She asked.

"Well, you'll find out, if you keep quiet and let Fran finish." The Viera in question had wandered into the other rooms in the Queen's large suite, inspecting them as she had the bedroom. Ignoring the slight presence of tension in the room, Ashe glanced over at her night stand, to see the goblet of wine sitting there just as it had before. Careful not to remind herself that she was dreaming, she reached over and picked up the goblet, taking a sip.

"There's no sign of him anywhere." Fran said as she walked back into the room.

Balthier glanced at Fran, then back at the Queen, who was still sipping her wine. He smiled in a mirthless sort of way. Her heart raced in her chest as she realized who they spoke of. Her slightly intoxicated mind wandered back to the adventures of a year ago, but her ever-present reasonable half made the other part stop.

"How sad. Well, I can't say I expected anything otherwise. I happen to know that Dalmasca's Queen is terribly strong, sometimes too much for her own good. There is no way she would make her feelings known like that, even to herself. But I also suppose that means that he hasn't—" He pulled his pocket watch out of his pocket, turned it slightly, before sighing and placing it back in. "It seems we're almost out of time, Fran. Her next guest is on his way, and I'd hate to be in his way. One more thing, darling," He turned back to Ashe, "if someone touches you, you'll wake up." As he walked out the door, he added, "Oh, and the servants spiked your wine."

Fran closed the door behind them, and for a few brief seconds, she was alone.

However, it wasn't long before her next guest made his presence known.

She heard him before she saw him.

His armor clinked as he walked down the small hallway between the rooms in her suite, and she took note that the figure's sword was sheathed as he approached.

Basch had his helmet in his right hand. As he walked into the light of her bedroom, Ashe could see that he was smiling, but his face looked older, more worn, in a way. He was tired.

"Ah, so you see it too?" He said, his voice a little rougher than she remembered. "Penelo said to me just the other day that it looked as though Larsa's escapades were beginning to catch up with me."

"Have you come to visit Dalmasca?" Ashe thought for a moment, though she had no memory of a visit from Larsa. Basch smiled, shaking his head.

"Penelo visited Larsa in Archades. They have quite the correspondence going."

Ashe smiled, still just a little bit sad. "Young love." There was a moment of silence, punctuated with Ashe raising her head. "There's something else about you. It's different." She peered at him for a moment, before it dawned on her. "You're happy."

Basch chuckled. Gesturing to a chair a few feet away from him, he asked politely, "Do you mind if I take a seat?"

"Of course." Ashe answered, nodding slightly.

"Ahhh," Basch said as he sat, and placed his helmet on the lush red carpeted floor beside the chair. "This armor can really bear down on one, with time."

"I don't suppose you're going to tell me what's going on. Balthier didn't."

He thought for a moment. "It's quite simple, really. One of your servants got some wine with a high alcohol content to begin with, spiked it, and now you're completely drunk. You've fallen asleep and you're dreaming."

"I know that, but—why does it feel so—so real?" Ashe searched for the right way to put her hazy thoughts into words.

Basch pulled out of his armor a golden pocket watch identical to the one Balthier had had. He peered at it for a moment, before placing it back in. "I don't have as much time as I would like to have, but I will say this," He paused for a moment, "There are not simply dreams and simply reality. There's no thin line between the two. Sometimes, dreams and reality can be blurred together into one, and in times like these, you have one in the same." He stood up slowly, picked up his helmet, and placed it on his head. He bowed low.

"It's been a pleasure, Queen Ashelia."

Basch slowly turned around and walked into the next room, his armor clinking as it had when he had arrived.

There was another few seconds of lonely silence, before she heard some commotion in the bathroom. She sat up slightly, wondering who this next 'guest' might be.

It wasn't long before there was a giggle, and Penelo poked her head out of the bathroom.

"You have the cute little soaps, like they did in the palace at Archades!"

Ashe laughed. "It's nice to see you, Penelo."

As she walked out of the bathroom, she plopped down in the chair previously occupied by Basch and said, exasperated, "You're telling me."

"What do you mean by that?" Ashe asked, slightly confused.

"I've tried to come and see you bunches of times! I even came by today, but they always tell me the same thing, 'For the safety of your Queen, she is not accepting any visitors'."

Shocked, Ashe said, "My advisors, my guards, no one ever told me that anyone came by!"

"Well, now you know." Penelo said, frowning. "Pretty candles," she said, gesturing to the red candles sitting on her armoire. Ashe just now noticed that they were lit.

"Well, were you coming by for any particular reason?" Ashe asked. Balthier and Basch all had something specific to tell her, some lesson to teach her, and now she was searching for Penelo's.

"Not beating around the bush, are we? Well, all of us are dropping in so you'll be ready for your last guest. But I'm here because I never got to say something to you that I've wanted to say for a year." Penelo said, adjusting her position in the chair slightly.

"And what might that be?" Ashe asked, taking a sip of wine.

"I'm making sure that you're not giving up on love."

Ashe swallowed suddenly.

"Penelo, I'm a widow. I can hardly stand to—"

"Oh, don't give me that. I know better."

There was silence.

"I know. You know. We all know. Even he knows. So let's skip the part where you lie about not being able to love after Rasler. I mean, I don't doubt that you loved him, but I know that there's someone you love more. So let's skip that and get to the part where you tell me that you won't ignore your feelings this time. As far as I can see, this is your last chance."

"My last chance to…what?"

"Oh, give it up, Ashe. I know you know. This is your last chance to set things straight with him, because I know you'll never go find him on your own. He's a known sky pirate now, with a reputation and a price on his head, and you're a prestigious Queen leading her country into another golden age. You had your chance to really have something last year, and you gave it up for the common good. So how about you do something for yourself, just this once?" Penelo sighed again, exasperated. She took another glance at Ashe's candles, before pulling out another golden pocket watch. "I'm running out of time…will you promise me that you won't screw this up?"

Ashe thought for a brief moment, before agreeing.

"I'll do it."

"For real, this time?"

"For real."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Before Ashe realized what was going on, Penelo slowly walked over to the candles, and blew them out.

The whole room went completely dark.

For the first time since falling asleep, Ashe noticed that it was dark outside her window, and the stars had come out. She held up her left hand in front of her face, the one not holding the goblet of wine, and found that she couldn't see it.

Her heart raced as she heard three slow, cautious footsteps approach her. There was an odd noise, and then she realized that the candles Penelo had blown out had been lit again, by someone who had performed a low level fire spell with on their finger. As the pointed one by one to the oil lamps that had mysteriously gone out as well, Ashe realized who her next guest was.

"It's been a long time, hasn't it, Ashe?" He whispered.

"Rasler." She half-whispered, half gasped. The last time she had seen her late husband was in a coffin, and here he was, living and breathing before him.

"That's the miracle of dreams, my dear. Even the dead may live, in the dreams of the living."

The room still slightly dim, he stepped towards her. She swallowed, her eyes on the wound to his chest.

"Please, look at my face, Ashe."

She smiled, looking back at the happy expression on his face.

"I've missed you." She said softly.

"I know." He sat down on the bed, a few feet away from her. "But I'm not the one you miss the most."

"Rasler—what are you here to tell me?" She asked, her eyes stinging with tears. This was all too much for her to handle.

"My dear, my dear, my wife, my bride, you are in the middle of a love story. Each day is a chapter, and it's up to you to decide how it ends."

She stopped and thought for a moment, her mind slowly working as she took another sip of wine. "That's not what you're supposed to tell me, is it?"

"No, but that was much more eloquent than what I'm supposed to tell you." A smile played on the prince's pretty lips. Predictably, he pulled out a pocket watch with one hand, looked at it, and then carefully took her cup of wine with the other, careful not to touch her delicate fingers, lest he wake her up before the last guest arrived. "He loves you." He said, slowly bringing the cup to his lips as he said, "Close your eyes, Ashe." As she slowly closed her eyes, she watched him take a drink of the wine.

As she sits with her eyes closed, she doesn't feel him move from the bed, but the voice that speaks is not that of her late husband.

"Ashe."

She simultaneously gasps and opens her eyes, and her heart begins to race as her eyes meet those of Vaan. There is no light, save for the red candles that are now on her nightstand. He held the goblet in his hand in the exact same manner that Rasler had only a short moment, and he took another sip of wine.

"I am your last guest." He whispered softly, and she realized that he knew that she knew what that meant. He knew. She knew. It was just as Penelo had said. "Is all I am to you?" He asked sadly, painfully, but with a hint of anger in his voice. "A dream?"

"Vaan—you know we could never—I could—there's no—do you honestly expect—"

"Ashe, shut up." He said softly.

But naturally, she didn't. "Is being a sky pirate not enough for you? Have you come only to remind me of a dream that'll never come true, a wish I'll never be granted? Have you come to taunt me in the hopes of convincing yourself that you've even exercised this newfound power over your very Queen, and no one in Ivalice can stand in your way?"

"Just because you're choosing to ignore your feelings, you think this way, no one will get hurt." They were still speaking softly, but the anger was apparent. "But you're wrong. Just because you think it's okay to crush your own dreams, do you think it's okay to ruin mine too? To take away the one thing left I feel like I can fight for?"

Ashe was crushed.

"You know, Ashe, you may be Queen, but you're still human, just like the rest of us. You eat, you sleep, you live and you love. Stop pretending like you don't. You mess up sometimes, just like the rest of us. Sometimes you get hurt. Are you really going to sacrifice all the good things in life so you don't have to feel the bad ones?"

Ashe said nothing, but his question was answered in her eyes. She had finally broken down, finally submitted to the one person who still had that power over her.

"I swear on my brother's grave that I will never hurt you."

There was sincerity in his eyes.

He set the wine goblet on her nightstand next to the bottle, and pulled a golden pocket watch out of his pocket.

"Wait! Don't leave!" Ashe cried suddenly, knowing what came next.

"I'm running out of time, Ashe. This is your last chance."

"My last chance, to set things straight?"

He nodded.

She paused, for a single, precious moment.

"I think I love you." She drew breath, "You're my wine. You catch me off guard, you drive me up the wall, you're bittersweet and so like me and I just can't get enough."

"Good job." He smiled. "I couldn't have said it better myself."

"Vaan?" She asked cautiously, "Is this real?"

He thought for a moment, glancing at the pocket watch. "It depends on your definition of 'real'." He paused, taking picking up the pocket watch by the chain and placing it in her hand, pressing it into her palm. "Is it worth waking up to find out?"

"I think it is."

Before she realized what was going on, he kissed her fiercely, and she allowed him to lower her back down onto her bed as he did so. She had her arms wrapped around his neck, her fingers tangled in his hair, all the while knowing he would have to leave in a single instant.

Ashe woke suddenly.

The feeling of a hangover was coming about, and the moment she opened her eyes to the bright morning light, she shut them again. In the next moment, she remembered her extended, alcohol-induced dream. For another moment, she wondered if it was real or not.

How could it possibly be real?

The moment she glanced at her nightstand, she had her answer.

Sitting on her nightstand was a bottle of Bhujerban wine, a nearly empty goblet and a golden pocket watch.

She reached for it, her fingers enclosing it slowly, as if not quite believing it was real.

On the back was a small, handwritten note.

"I just came to say that you're not alone."


End file.
